Wednesday, December 13, 2006
staying at hm wasnt so bad till fana actually questioned me abt it.. i mean ive been immuned to the mundane situation.. but wen fana actually msg me to tell tat how dpressing she felt wen she stayed at hm the whole dae, sumhow coping wif staying at hm juz seems hard now.. i mean i lyk staying at hm wen i haf sumthing to do.. but after ur mind juz cant stay blank for even a min n u start to think.. so most daes i haf to actually clean my hm to take things off my mind.. i swear i can get paranoid if i tink too much..
so anw, nora called me n told me she bumped into said's sis n cuzins the other dae wen she was werking.. n yes i cleaned my hm bcos i wanna stop tinking bt this.. n they were kinda awkward but still chatted a bit.. wad if they saw me? i tok to mao once n i told him i cudnt b able to face them.. he told i shudnt haf guilt within me cos its not tat i chose to lead this path n tat said will understand.. but then i chose to walk awae.. me.. run awae.. left him.. i mean yes i noe pple will understand but pple wont understand the feel to juz walk awae.. the guilt of doing tat.. this is not regret.. i blieve i did the rite thing for my future n for myself i guess.. so if u noe ure doing the rite thing n ure nt regretting, y feel bad abt it? bcos i walked awae.. hardships r meant to b tackled together rite.. wad if one dae my past will catch up to me.. wad will b my reaction? run awae again? wen will all this running stop? i cant stop feeling guilty.. n i haf to learn to deal wif tat.. so wen will tat b?
one regret though.. i wish all the frenships were lyk b4.. i admit im pretty bad at maintaining frenships but wad to do.. im the kind who actually wait for pple to ask me out cos im useless at planning outings.. trust me.. useless at it.. so wen i actually msg pple to tell them im tinking bt them, tat reli means a lot frem me.. sumtimes a reply wont hurt rite? haha.. but tats up to pple.. so im sori if i seem to haf forgetten some or a few pple but its nt tat i forgot.. i juz nd a push in getting out of the house..
*been raining.. mayb tats the reason for all this gloominess*
♥ my tales
1:28:00 PM
